So, I’m opening the vault and re-posting an oldie but goodie that gives some more perspective to the issue.

I had an in depth coaching conversation with a seasoned member of the Moxie Squad who is gunning for a leadership position, and is kind of disillusioned by the lack of support she is getting from the female members of her team. At the heart of it, she feels personally betrayed by women that she thought were in her corner.

This is a complaint I address regularly. Here’s something that dudes are much better at – they are clear that business is business, and personal is personal. When they disagree on the job, they don’t see each other as being unsupportive or uncaring or disloyal. They can have a tough “fight” on Monday, and still hang out on Friday.

For many women, relationships with their coworkers are so imperative that they forget the importance of appropriate distance. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen relationships ruined over disagreements in the office. A lot of women just take things personally. They are truly hurt if they feel that another woman has undercut or betrayed them in some way. I’m here to boldly say that work is not about friendship. It’s about getting the job done in a professional way.

Keep in mind that your job is only a part of who you are. Your work is your work, and your life is your life. Always remember that making friends is not the primary objective of your workday. If it happens, that’s an incredible gift. If it doesn’t, so be it. Don’t force it. Or count on it. You have enough friends.

On a related note, here’s an extra piece of advice (tough love, really): don’t tell your personal troubles to everyone who will listen. Don’t discuss every mistake, real or imagined. Don’t talk about your health problems. This often makes people feel uncomfortable, yet they will not tell you. Some people may even begin to avoid you. Or talk about you behind your back.

I’m not suggesting that you be someone or something that you’re not, but I’m asking you to get your game face on. Even when the odds are against you, still try to look like you’re going to win. Particularly when the competition is intense, don’t let your anxiety show.

I know it can be difficult, but keep your inner angst to yourself or someday you may find that someone will use it against you. And that’s a tough lesson to learn.

Moxie Vote: Do you believe in drawing a clear line between personal and professional relationships? Do you wear a game face at work? Weigh in using the comments section below, and share this article with every woman you know. (Honestly not trying to busta rhyme – I guess I’m just cool like that.) xo. ~KG

The post Bringin’ Out Your Game Face appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

Why don’t women support each other in business? Why do they sometimes even seem hellbent on undermining each other?

Women hold so few leadership roles in business; you’d think we’d build each other up rather than tear each other down. Sadly, we still have a loooooong way to go on that front.

Maybe it’s because we still live in a male-dominated world that we feel like there’s not enough to go around. Which sparks jealousy. And resentment. We’re fighting for a smaller piece of the proverbial pie.

And, hear me clearly; I’m not blaming my male counterparts for this. Women do way more to suppress the advancement of other women than men do. We’ve got to stop this. We must.

Madeleine Albright, former U.S. Secretary of State, has been known to say “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Amen, Sister.

So what are we gonna do about it? You and me. What are we gonna DO? Sometimes it’s easier than we make it.

On Mother’s Day, I noticed a Facebook post of one of my friends that shared something her pastor said {I’m paraphrasing, so won’t be as eloquent}, “Hey Mamas, let’s change the world. Make an agreement, a covenant, with your friends. When you aren’t around, I have your back. Your pain or shortcomings will not be my entertainment. And not only that, I’ve got your children’s back too.”

How amazing is that?!?

I’m IN…are YOU?!

To go a little deeper on this topic, be sure to check out Bring It, Bitches, and let me know in the comments below if you’re “in” on supporting a Sister rather than tearing her down.

I’d also love to hear your best women supporting other women stories.

Be sure to {FB} share the love, get your Tweeps in on the action, as well as your Google+ gang and LinkedIn mates. xo. ~KG

The post Mean Girls, Mean Women? appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

Welp, mentors are great, but it takes a sponsor to really advance your career.

So just what is the difference between a mentor and sponsor? Think of a mentor as your friendly guide who shares helpful information, offering up feedback and advice. They can give you the inside scoop around the unwritten rules of the company and help you to avoid political missteps.

On the flip side, a sponsor is an organizational heavy weight with the ability to open doors for you. They will personally advocate for a cause, project or promotion on your behalf. In a nutshell, they will likely put in a good word for you when an opportunity arises that you may not even know about. And, they “sell” your abilities to others in the organization. Those who otherwise may never know your name.

Bottom line: your mentor gives you the map on how to navigate the corporate landscape, and your sponsor gets you a ticket to a members only destination.

Now you are probably saying, “Okay, I get it, but how do I get myself a sponsor?”

Eyeball a person in your organization that is well respected and influential. Then find {aka create} opportunities to introduce yourself, get to know him or her informally, and share strategic information about your accomplishments, education/experience, and goals within the company.

Gurrrl, it’s time to get a sponsor. S-t-r-e-t-c-h yourself. High five! xo. ~KG

The post I’m not a 12 stepper – why do I need a Sponsor?!? appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

Smile more.

Laugh.

Humor is your friend.

The timely and appropriate use of humor is an asset to any leader.

Humor cuts the tension in any situation.  I’m not sure why, but a sense of humor seems to be rare in businesswomen. Hmmmm…

You can be funny!  You can win fans by being funny!  Don’t be afraid to use humor to connect with your audience.  The best is when you’re self confident enough to poke fun at yourself.

Humor demonstrates an ease and optimism, a confidence that invites your listeners in and establishes your credibility.  It adds a fun factor to any presentation.

And humor makes you more memorable.

Most important, don’t take yourself too seriously.  “Lighten up” is good advice for 95% of women.  To pick up some helpful tips, watch your favorite comedian perform.

I think Ellen DeGeneres, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Whitney Cummings are hilarious.

The one caveat is that it’s never okay to use off-color humor in a business setting.  Never.

Good humor can bring people together and accelerate a feeling of connection, but poor humor can be one of the strongest repellents known to man. It pays to know the difference.

And speaking of pay? Some studies say that funny people make more money. Huzzah!

Practice your Moxie: This week, incorporate humor into one of your presentations or business meetings. Start simple then let us know in the comments below how being a workplace comedian impacts the way people respond to you. xo. ~KG

The post Bring the Funny to Boost Your Career appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

For Realz?

You might be surprised how others perceive your facial expressions. I mean, have you ever really thought about it?

The human face can make over 10,000 expressions. Seriously?!? Most of the time, your facial expressions are spontaneous…kinda on automatic pilot as an involuntary display of the emotion you are feeling.

Here’s the tricky part, particularly in business communications or negotiations… small subtleties represent the difference between one expression and another. Some last only a few seconds, and these can really give away your emotion.

So, think about it. What expressions do you show on your face when having a conversation with others? Are your expressions anxious and intense or open, relaxed and friendly?

Different looks, send different meanings.

And the eyes speak volumes.

Avoiding eye contact can imply embarrassment, shyness, or nervousness.

Looking long and hard at someone can be perceived as being aggressive.

Narrowing your eyes can suggest suspicion, and rolling your eyes can be a sign of irritation or whatever-ness.

Eyes let your audience see you as warm and caring or unfriendly and uncaring or upbeat and curious.

Truth is…facial expressions and eye contact can make a real difference in your career and the cash you bring in. Positive or negative. You choose.

Bottom line: your face is your moneymaker. Use it strategically, baby!

Practice Your Moxie: This week, be more aware of your facial expressions. Pull out a mirror {in private, please, or people might think you’re weird} and practice these emotions: happy, sad, surprise, fear, anger and disgust. Really pay attention to how your face feels as well as looks. xo. ~KG

The post What’s Up With Your Face? appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

But your pup can also teach you a few lessons that translate into your business life:

Be curious. Everything is exciting and new. Sometimes it just takes trying on a different perspective.

Be vocal when you need something. I don’t know about you, but at my house there are two times of day when we are on high alert. Mealtime. And, how’s this for a two-fer?

Enjoy every delicious bite. Really appreciate what you’re digging into.

Don’t try to be something you’re not. I mean, fierce just doesn’t work if you’re a love bug. Well, you can be fierce without being fierce. You get that, right?

Always be ready to jump in. With enthusiasm. People notice. Particularly those you report to.

Show people you are happy to see them. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. I bet it will win you more clients, sales, and positive attention.

Live in the moment. Don’t wait for that elusive “some day”. Today is your day. Every day.

Have fun. We all gotta make The Benjamins, but taking time out to play will make you more creative, more productive, and more profitable. As business people, we just don’t play enough.

Frisbee throw, anyone?

{I was gonna say belly rub, ‘cause that’s really popular in my house, but thought that would be borderline inappropriate. See how good I am at filtering?!?}

Moxie Mania: Do you have a furry, four legged teacher at home? What’s the # 1 thing you’ve learned from your pet? Share it in the comments below. Then share the love on your fav social media site. The buttons below make it supa easy! xo. ~KG

The post 7 Biz Lessons From Your Best {Four-Legged} Friend appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

But here’s a little KG-logic…There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

In the words of the late great Johnny Cash, it’s important to walk the line.

And often those who teeter on the line aren’t self aware enough to even realize it. So I thought I’d give you a short list of telltale signs that you might be a jackhole. So we can fix it, of course.

Fasten your seatbelt ’cause here we go.

ONE

If you have to tell people how smart you are, how successful you are, or how much money you make…you might be walking the jackhole line.

Years ago, I had an employee who managed to work it into just about every conversation that he was a member of Mensa. Ummm…don’t be that guy! Or gal. Wait. I hate the word gal. I mean, who says gal?!? I don’t. I won’t. So it’s gotta be guy. In the unisex kinda way.

Wow. I digress.

But the moral of this story is simply…don’t be that guy.

TWO

If you have to be the center of every conversation, and bring every topic back to yourself, or an experience you have had, you might want to look in a mirror to see if you are that guy.

There’s nothing more annoying, or unflattering, or unappealing than the game of one-up-man-ship. That is one game you do not ever want to win. And remember – the sound of your own voice may not be as delightful to others as it is to you.

THREE

If you think you are always right or believe that your way is the only way, you may be walking that line.

Often in life, there are no truly right or wrong answers. Most of the time it’s just a matter of perspective.

So let me put it into perspective.

Confidence is a critical success factor in life. Arrogance is a caution sign for insecurity.

It takes courage to be confident and, surprisingly, a good dose of vulnerability. My greatest confidence-boosting tip for you is to be authentic. Always be your authentic, awesome Y-O-U.

And, let’s be honest…I never thought that you might be a jackhole. I mean, come on. You’re part of the Moxie Squad. No jackholes allowed. I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. Ha!

Moxie Magic: Don’t be a jackhole…like it, share it, tweet it, pin it, +1 it, to spread the word. Ha. I love you guys! xo. ~KG 

The post 3 Telltale Signs That You Might Be A Jackhole appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

Let’s chat for a minute about networking.

Meaningful networking – not a massive business card blitz that leaves you feeling exhausted, and even a little bit like a slickster.

It’s important for women to continually build relationships – not only for your personal life, but also for your career.  Sure, it’s always great to snag a new client, but having good relationships and interactions with people around you could benefit you for a lifetime.

The critical success factor when it comes to networking is to build relationships first and foremost.  Your best clients will be people you genuinely like and trust and who genuinely like and trust you!

So let’s take a minute to talk about this “elevator speech” you may have heard about but don’t really know what the heck it means.

The thinking goes…when you walk into an elevator, you have about a minute to introduce yourself to a person in the elevator, if you are so inclined.  What could you say that would catch their attention in that short of a period of time?  What would you tell them about yourself and your business that would get them interested?

This is your “elevator speech,” and you should have one ready whenever you go to an event.  It doesn’t have to be different each time. Spend some time creating it once, and then it’s a matter of fine-tuning it from then on. Practice makes perfect!

As for where to network? Figure out where your ideal clients hang out, and go there at LEAST once a week.  Networking is not something you can do randomly.  You have to be dedicated to it!

Try looking for meet-ups, clubs, or other places.  Join an association.  The possibilities of new clients, new relationships, or new influencers are endless.

When you find your “ideal client” – ALWAYS go above and beyond for them.  You may know already that word of mouth is the most powerful marketing tool, and that’s still true.  Which is why networking, especially in person, is so important.

The number one networking tip I can give you is to be genuine.  Be original.  Be yourself.  Think about the qualities that make you different from everyone else.  You are your own brand and when you network, you market Y-O-U.

What makes your marketing message unique?  Use that to catch the interest of potential clients and build relationships all around you.

Every day is an opportunity to build your business, and every single person you know has the PERFECT client in mind for you!  Don’t let those networking opportunities go to waste. Be courageous, take action now, and go forth and build meaningful relationships!

Share the Moxie: What is your very best networking tip or technique? Share it in the comments below to help out your fellow Moxie Squadsters! xo. ~KG

The post Business Networking For Realz! appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

Did you know nearly one-fifth of all employees NEVER negotiate their salary when they accept a job? What the what?!

You wouldn’t take the first offer from a car dealer or when buying a house, so why oh why would you accept the first offer from your future employer?

Let that sink in for a minute.

And, here’s a startling statistic…women who fail to negotiate their salaries at the start of their careers could leave a half a million dollars or more on the table. That’s $500,000. Left on the table. That could have been yours.

That’s a whole lotta beautiful shoes (my personal weakness) and other delightful things.

Let’s take it one step further.

Salary.com conducted a 2,000-person survey that found women are more apprehensive than men regarding negotiating, and do it far less. Forty-six percent of men always negotiate salary following a job offer, compared to just 30% of women. And while 39% of men are apprehensive about negotiating, that number jumps to 55% for women.

Think about it.

Do you freak out at just the thought of negotiating for more money?

Does your stomach turn, your palms sweat and your heart pound?

Do you pop Tums or long for a cocktail?

There is a solution.

Click It to See It!

You need to learn to powerfully ask for your true market value. And to do that, you must start the conversation (shall we say, negotiation) with offers of benefits that you bring to the table rather than requests.

I know this can feel a little intimidating. 

I can help you. I can show you how to do this. 

Stay tuned for future articles, or to shorten your learning curve, check out my NEW “I Like Big Bucks Guide to Money Negotiations!”

Click It to Check It!

Share the Moxie: What are your biggest money negotiation fears? Put ‘em out there in the comments below. Recognizing them is the first step in conquering them! Now, you know the drill… Like it, Share it, Tweet it, +1 it, and Link it! xo. ~KG

The post Show Me the Money! appeared first on KelliGilpin.com.

Body Language counts.

Believe it.

As a presenter, business developer, entrepreneur, corporate leader or {you fill in the blank}, you may never have another chance to make a good first impression. We have all heard this, but do we really get it?

Whether you are making a speech, presenting a proposal, making a sale or getting support for your favorite charity, your goal is to make an immediate, positive, compelling connection with those around you.

That connection dangles on your communication skills, and that includes body language.

You can close your mouth and stop talking, but your body language just keeps on telling the story.

You send silent signals through your body movements, your posture, your hand gestures and facial expressions.

Your energy itself has an unspoken dialogue that is tangible to others. 

Your non-verbal ‘chatter’ impacts how others see you, how they hear you, and their decision whether or not to believe what you say and go along on a journey with you.

I’ll bet sometime in the last week or so you’ve been on the receiving end of that old saying, ‘actions speak louder than words’.  It could have been a ’look’ or a ‘gesture’… you didn’t need words to understand what the other person meant.

Believe it.

Body Language counts.

Now don’t get your panties in a knot. 

I can’t help it that I’m your arse-kicking-truth-telling-angel-warrior coach. I’m not asking you to be over-the-top animated or dramatic when that’s not your personality. I’ve never been a community theater kinda chick myself, so I totally get it.

Here it is in a nutshell…Effective body language is not about crazy, over the top style; it’s about being in sync with the words that come out of your mouth.

Kapeesh? Kapeesh.

Moxie Movements: Over the next couple of days, pay very close attention to the body language of those around you. Listen with your eyes more than your ears. What are you most surprised by? Share your insights in the comments below and then share the love on your fav social media outlet. Like it, share it, tweet it, pin it, +1 it. xo. ~KG

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